Call it as Love... Emotional Atyachaar..

"Please... I Hope you will understand... I love my mom more than anyone else in this world... I can't say no the marriage arranged by her... Please... Please Let's breakup..." were the last few words uttered by me to him, he looked very confused, disturbed, and I hope he will be fine by tomorrow. Hmm... I would have said “No” to my Mom but that was not my answer as the guy whom my mom chosen would be my best, “better half” as he works in abroad, owns a Audi, BMW, Honda City Sports car’s, a villa near Neelangarai. What else does he lack for me to say “No, he doesn’t deserve me”?, moreover my Mom's extreme pressure made me to say that  he is my perfect match and I strongly believe that my Mom is always right in finalizing things. I decided not to confuse myself but rather to sleep peacefully, and so I went to bed.

Almost an hour is gone but I was still thinking of him, my mind puzzled me more, “Why am I still thinking of that idiot? Is this because he was my first love? Or else did I really love him? I am totally confused...” I closed my eyes and tried sleeping but I couldn’t. I switched my positions on my bed but still I couldn’t sleep. Nothing helped me to close my eye lids peacefully. So I went  to take a fresh bath and came back to sleep.

At the back of the mind I felt pity on him, How this love started? You people may not believe this - but I fell in love with this stupid boy on the moment I saw him first in our school corridor. Without my knowledge my heart started beating for him and loved to spend time seeing him. In no time he proposed to  me sweetly and I too accept him the same day. Life had been added with a flavor, “love” the sweetest phase of the life that anyone would cherish. I still remember the verse which he wrote for love, “Love the beautiful word found my human being for the unseen feeling!” Wow! What a way to express love, he is such an awesome writer one day he will surely be identified.

Mom: Hey what the hell are you doing? Why don’t you sleep? It is already three in the morning.

Me: Mom I slept and woke up before few minutes.

Mom: Don’t think about that idiot, go, sleep, and never try to cheat me.

I covered myself in my blanket and tried sleeping but I couldn’t either sleep or stop thinking about him. The last day of our half yearly holidays was the first day he hugged me in rain, the most unforgettable walk right from my school to my house. Wow! What a day it was? Definitely, that hug made me realize what a girl would feel when they became a part of life with someone who is special in their life.

It is always an awesome feeling to get a shoulder when you feel down and I was blessed with his shoulder. I love those sweet moments right from the evening walks to Valentine's special. I was madly in love with him…………

As usual 6’0 alarm rang and I realized that I had rinsed myself in his thinking and didn't sleep for the  whole night. Shit what happened to me? Why I didn't sleep for the whole night? I myself couldn't answer for it. Fine, Let me stop thinking about him, actually I have to do this otherwise my life won’t be happy according to my Mom. But, but, but those days are the best days that I ever had in my life, why should I cheat him and sacrifice those beautiful moments for the sake of money and Mom’s pressure. I shouldn’t lose him at any cost, definitely I shouldn’t, neither him nor the six years of love bondage. This is my final decision and let me talk to him to convince that this won’t happen again. “I love you so much idiot! And I can’t live without you” was the words which I muttered in my mind continuously. I took bath, wore the Salwar Kameez which he gifted for my last birthday and started to his home.

Mom: Where are you going?

Me: I have to meet my Friends to inform them about my marriage (In my mind, I said my marriage with my love)

Just a five minute walk but I said, “I Love You” some thousand times in my mind. I was about to reach his home and  found most of my Friends standing outside his home and police patrol too. I had no clue but my heart beat  thousands times faster than the normal rate. I almost ran to his home but my Friend stopped me in half way.

Friend: Hey stop. Listen! Don’t reveal that you are the one who he loved.

Me: What happened? Please tell me… Why shouldn’t I?

Friend: He has committed suicide yesterday night, before that he has written a letter to his love.

Me: What???? I couldn’t believe this… Please tell me what happened…….

Friend: He is no more in this world; he committed suicide by consuming n number of sleeping pills.

I had no words to utter, my brain stopped working as I am the person who should take responsibility for this murder. I went in along with my Friends with tears pouring from my eyelids. I wanted to shout that I am responsible for this suicide but my Friends dint allow me to speak with any of the people there; I was shocked to see the special paper which he used to write letter for me under his forehead and his favorite pen in the hand. I took the letter to read………

I stopped breathing after reading the letter, couldn’t move my hands or legs, so my Friends helped me to come out of his home and advised me not to utter any word to anyone.

Me: Why shouldn’t I? I love him… I am the stupid who is responsible for this suicide.

Friends: See even in that letter he didn’t mention your name because he doesn’t want to spoil your life and that is why, Please...

I didn’t utter any words but walked back to my home with tears and scolded that idiot some thousand times for committing suicide. I went inside my room, locked and questioned my mind, “What should I do?” It replied as,

“I loved him madly for six beautiful years… I tried to hate him for sixteen hurting hours… I killed him with my thirty two words… Although I loved him truly, I had cheated him for the sake of money and my Mom and... And now it’s my turn”

I opened my dairy and wrote, “It’s my turn… Meet you in heaven… and with your thoughts, I”………… I hanged myself

This post is a part of "Emotional Atyachaar" contest organized by IndiBlogger.

The original image used to create this letter are taken from this source, labelled reuse with modifications.

Moments

Opened my eyes!
Cried for mother’s womb!
Moments of Birth!

This post has been published as a part of Haiku Heights Prompt 1: Moments. Special thanks to Leo for the inspiration :)

The above image is of my cousin's photo clicked by my brother. Please do not use it without my permission. All Rights Reserved.

My Dream Job

November 26, 2008 the day, which every Indian shed, tears for our fellow Indians who died in Mumbai Terrorists attack and I was one amongst the NSG who fought to rescue the hostages. I still remember the pain involved in the operation. I like to share my life I dreamt, My Dream Job – is to serve India.

When I was in my Mom’s womb I used to hear my Father’s speech on how India got Freedom, which fuelled the fire from the day 1. I was born on 15th August 1983 and named as Gandhiraman. Every birthday is special but the first one was the best as my Dad gifted me the Indian Flag on my chest and that fuelled more. The first question that everyone asks to children is, “What is your aim? Or Dream Job?” and I used to answer as, “To serve India is my dream” and I strive hard for it.

In my school days I was the NCC Captain and lead my school to win the parade cup every year. During my PU I realized that the fuel has now become a fire, which cannot be diminished by any force as I rescued my fellow mates from a riot that happened in the college. Yeah, a gang of ten people attacked us with iron rods on that moment I stood on my feet and converted myself to an outstanding force to rescue my friends.

I decided that my dream was my destiny and I marched towards it by preparing myself physically and mentally. Though I went through a tough phase the fire inside me kept me on track. Of course I cleared my exams with high grade and also the physical fitness test.

The most awaited day resulted on a fine Monday as I received my Confirmation Letter through Post. Wow! What a moment that was! I felt excited as My Dream was fulfilled; I owe my father a lot as he is the core reason for this, without his guidance I would not have achieved this but today he was not more in this world. I joined Indian Army, the job I dreamt all day actually the service that I love to do for thousands of years.

In no time I was promoted as a NSG as I served India to my best. I got several awards and recognition for my service to India. But on November 26 the real tragedy happened, an end was kept to my dream job as now I can only dream of my job. If I close my eyes I can still feel the pain caused by the attackers as I lost my two legs in the attack and now I need my wife to move. My Dream Job has become my dream but yet I cherish the moments that I loved in my life and decided to pen down as My Dream Job – Is To Serve India.

This post is a part of "My Dream Job" contest organized by blogadda.com in association with Pringoo!